I very distinctly remember how I looked forward to the movie Bloomington—I was in high school; I was not out to anybody but myself (perhaps maybe some people who knew me better than I did); all I could do was listening to the soundtrack quietly, over and over again, accompanied by a trailer I found on youtube, in my boarding school dorm room. My heart wasn't racing—but it sank. It got lost in the gorgeous pace of piano music, on the ever-too-dreamy face of Allison McAtee, and in an unethical romance I took for granted in my little gay heart.
Back then—we didn't have OITNB.
We didn't have Blue is the Warmest Color.
We didn't have Root and Shaw, Lexie and Clark.
But at the time, everything seemed—as secretive, as stealthy—so titillating, so intoxicating and so, full of hope. I didn't have my sexual awakening back then—I have had my sexuality awakening as soon as I could remember things, anything—but I very clearly was looking forward to something. Big time. In fact, was that why I, to this day, still have a thing for the name Catherine?
Catherine with a C. Not Cathy. Not Katharine. Not Cate. But Catherine—Catherine with a C, and Catherine the full name.
Many years later I had a crush on a girl whose name is Katharyn. It probably is the weirdest way to spell this name, but I still found justification in my crush because of it.
Ka—tha—ryn. Oh lord. So subtle. So soft. So breathy.
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To be fair this movie is not great. To say the least Catherine is emotionally manipulative. To state the truth lesbians don't get enough quality romance, and the ones we do get, the ones we tend to treat with ultimate respect and glory, are often problematic and unhealthy.
Like Tibette.
But yeah I have a soft spot for this movie because. At one pt I may have desperately wanted a Catherine in our lives.
I'll take Katharyn though.
HD
