浴火鸟

Sergey Festisov

这样我终日活在在饥渴与腻食之间，

时而饥不择食，时而食不下咽。

——威廉·莎士比亚

那时正是二月。我们得直面这一时节的无情寒风。要不是老人家的帮衬，时日格外艰难。每隔一段时间，他就会带着罗姆卡和其他两三名飞行员执行军队任务。当罗姆卡离开时，我总是心绪不宁，事事不趁手，只有罗姆卡的电话能让我回神。但飞行员经常被外派，而老人家留在基地，然后，悉心地注意到我的烦躁，他会用昂贵的巧克力让我振作起来。多有趣的老人啊！ 他知道，飞行员们为了躲避罚款，给了我多少优质巧克力。他还给我开请假条（我的桌子抽屉里已经装满了），但我孤身一人又该去向何处呢？有时在晚上，他和托里克会来机库谈论罗曼。似乎他对罗姆卡的爱不亚于我。当每次行动结束时，即使是半夜两点，外面暴风雪肆虐——就像那晚一样——老人总是叫一辆车，去见他的“小鹰隼”。亲爱的上帝！多少次我转向你，祈求你保护他们（保护他）。还有太多让人忧虑的事情。没有什么能阻止他向我直奔而来。

凌晨两点，电话响了，老人家高兴地告诉我，罗姆卡就在回来见我的路上了。 那天晚上我一直没睡着。我一直在等他，不停看向窗外，但即使在老人打完电话后，这辆车还是没到。我越来越担心，想给老人打电话，但突然一个雪人开始拼命地敲打我的窗户。我打开门，寒风灌入，两个巨大的雪球滚落进来。我无法分辨他们，所以我迅速帮他们脱下外套。那个大一号的雪球立即抱住了我，他的眼睛在慢慢融化的睫毛后面微笑着。 罗姆卡！另一个人是托里克！

屋子暖烘烘的，所以他们很快就热和起来了，开始告诉我汽车是如何陷雪地里的。他们花了很长时间来移动它，但当汽车确实已经无可救药地陷进去时，由于基地没那么远，他们决定步行走完剩下的路。我一边听一边点头，无法把目光从罗曼身上移开。 即使在托里克面前，我们也毫不羞涩，在分别的日子里，我们思念与日俱增，顾不上他人的目光。

最后，拖车到了，爱车如命的托里克起身前去援救被遗弃的车辆。 罗姆卡也立即开始穿上外套，准备帮忙，但托里克给了我们俩一个意味深长的眼神，罗姆卡只好举手投降并留下来。最后，就只剩我们俩了。

我想给罗姆卡做一些热茶和晚餐，但事情却不太好办。他拉我坐在他的腿上，一直看着我，就像第一次见到我一样。我吻了他的额头，感觉他有些轻微发烧，要么是因为感冒，要么是因为疲惫。最终，我设法说服他喝一些带覆盆子酱的热茶，然后我用一条温暖的毯子盖住他，躺在他旁边，把他的手握在我的手心。我看着他睡着了，如此平静，于我如此珍贵。尽管我们努力睁大眼睛，凝视着对方，然而很快强烈的睡意征服了我们俩，但我们的手从未松开。

我在他的怀里醒来，看到老人家站在门阶上，对着开着的门发牢骚。

“我们要去塔林”，罗姆卡和我大喊道。

老人家刚刚拿出车票，还没来得及说什么，就在我们快乐的拥抱中差点崩溃。他不知道如何解救自己，只好惊讶地咕哝着，威胁道（即使托里克，平时总是不苟言笑，当他目睹这一幕时也微笑起来），如果我们再不放开他，就收回车票。

亲爱的，亲爱的老人家！待会儿再说塔林吧。我们还有很多事情要做，但至少我们又在一起了。我们在早餐桌旁坐下来，为我们的团聚而欢欣鼓舞，老人举起他的柠檬水杯，敬祝酒词：

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脸庞与纯白衣裳上的微笑，

清晰的头脑，灿烂的希望。

让一切成真吧！

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Thus do I pine and surfeit day by day,

Or gluttoning on all, or all away.

——William Shakespeare

It was February. We were mercilessly exposed to the cold winds of the month. If the Old Man hadn't helped us, it would have been particularly hard. Every once in a while he took Romka and two or three other pilots on army missions. While Romka was gone, I could find no peace. Everything fell out of my hands, and only Romka's phone calls brought me back to life. But often the pilots were sent away and the Old Man remained at the base, and then, curiously observing my impatience, he would try to cheer me up with expensive chocolates. Funny Old Man! He knew how many good quality chocolates I was getting from the pilots who tried to avoid their fines. He also gave me permission slips for leave (my desk drawers were full of them), but where would I go all alone? Sometimes in the evenings he and Tolik would come to the flight house to chat about Roman. It seemed that he loved Romka no less than I did. When each mission was over, even if it was two o'clock in the morning with a snowstorm raging outside-like that evening— the Old Man always called for a car and went to meet his "young eagles." Dear God! How many times I turned to you, asking you to protect them (to protect him). And there was so much to fear. Nothing could stop him from running straight to me.

It was two o'clock in the morning when the phone rang, and the Old Man happily told me that Romka was on his way to see me. I never went to sleep that night. I was waiting for him and kept looking out the window, but even after the Old Man's phone call, the car still wouldn' arrive. I was becoming increasing worried and wanted to call the Old Man, but all of a sudden a man covered in snow started to desperately bang on my window. I opened the door, and two huge snowballs fell inside, accompanied by the cold wind.

I couldn't even tell them apart, so I quickly started removing their clothes. The bigger snowball immediately hugged me, and his eyes behind the slowly melting eyelashes were smiling. Romka! And the other one was Tolik!

The room was well-heated, so soon enough they warmed up and started telling me how the car had gotten stuck in the snow. They tried to move it for a long time, but when the car was becoming hopelessly snowed in, they decided to go the rest of the way on foot, since the base was not that far. I listened and nodded and couldn't take my eyes off Roman. We were never shy in Toliks presence, but the emotions that had accumulated during our time apart asked for no witnesses.

Finally, the tow truck arrived, and Tolik, who only ever loved his car, went to salvage the abandoned vehicle. Romka immediately started to put on his coat, ready to help, but Tolik gave both of us a meaningful look, which made Romka raise his hands in surrender and stay. Finally, we were alone.

I tried to give Romka some hot tea and dinner, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. His hands pulled me down onto his lap, and he kept looking at me as if he were seeing me for the first time. I touched my lips to his forehead and felt that he had a slight fever, either from cold or from exhaustion. Eventually, I managed to persuade him to drink some hot tea with raspberry jam, and then I covered him with a warm blanket, lay down next to him, and held his hands in mine. I watched him as he fell asleep, so peaceful, so dear to me. Even though we tried to keep our eyes open and gaze at each other, soon enough sleep conquered us both, but our hands never let go.

I woke up in his arms and saw that the Old Man was standing on the doorstep and grumbling about the door that had been left open.

"We are going to Tallinn," Romka and I shouted.

The Old Man nearly collapsed in our joyful embrace. He hadn't had the chance to tell us anything, just to show us the tickets. He now grunted in surprise and, not knowing how to free himself (even Tolik, usually so grim, smiled as he witnessed this scene) threatened to keep the tickets if we wouldn't release him.

Dear, dear Old Man! Tallinn would come later. We still had a lot to do, but at least we were together. Rejoicing in our reunion, we sat down at the breakfast table, and the Old Man raised his lemonade glass and offered a toast:

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Smile on your face and white clothes,

Clear mind and bright hopes.

Let it all come true!

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