尼尔·布伦南：心结

"Individually, these things are all manageable, you know?

But it’s…

In totality, that’s the hard part.

That’s where the depression comes in.

And I’ve tried so much stuff.

Like, so much.

Therapy, medication, ketamine.

…

I think I went too far…with that one.

Like, I think I hurt myself a little bit.

Yeah, but I guess it makes sense if you’re looking for a magic bullet,

occasionally you’re going to get shot.

But I just kept thinking like,

“Dude, how did you turn self-help into self-harm?”

I’ve been saying all night that something’s wrong with me.

And something is wrong with me.

I won’t show myself any kindness.

I won’t give myself any grace.

Like, I just grind and attack myself relentlessly like it’s my job.

I would love to stop.

I like to believe that my ways of being,

like my thoughts, my habits, my emotions, my beliefs…

I’d like to believe that they’re not defects.

I’d like to believe that the alchemy of a personality…

my spirit…it’s gotta be enough.

Please.

Let that be enough."