死而不亡

死而不亡者寿。

——老子（约前571-前471）¹

视频：https://video.h5.weibo.cn/1034:4623386727612430/4623387986497804

作为一名医师，我知道很多人不会去真正思考死亡，直到他们不得不去思考。但是 20年前，我不只身体上死亡了，还死亡了一阵子。那次经历彻底改变了我一切的性格和为人。

我的濒死体验

玛丽·尼尔，医学博士，脊柱外科医生

1999 年，我安排了去智利划皮划艇，我很期待去探索那里河流的一段，那里的瀑布很有名。

我们把皮划艇放到河里，划过了前面几段下落的地方。这条河的水流量非常大，所以我们决定去划第一个主瀑布的一小部分，我就划到了滞急的水流中，当时有另外一个人也在划皮划艇，她划过去的时候几乎是一跳一跳的，她的划艇在瀑布入口处的小岔路上横住了，所以我只能被迫去瀑布的正中央，我知道，肯定不会好划。

我的划艇被卡住了，我被完全浸没在三米深的水里，我无法呼吸了，我的身体完全贴在了皮艇前端的平面上，我能感觉到我的骨头在断裂。

我觉得我应该喊叫，但是我没有。我感觉没有痛苦、没有害怕、没有慌张，我从来没有感觉如此鲜活。

我能感觉到我的灵魂从我的身体剥离，我的灵魂释放出来，升入了天堂，我立刻被一群“什么”打了招呼。

我不知道该说他们是什么人、灵魂、存在。他们中，我一个都不认识，但不知为何，他们却在我的人生故事中很重要。就像在我出生前就过世的祖父母一样，他们非常开心，欢迎我，和我打招呼，爱我。

这些存在开始带我沿着一条路走。这条路铺满了厚厚的成千上万的花朵，充满了花香，爆发出宇宙中的每一种色彩，明显有时间和空间维度的改变，我在每一秒之内都在经历各种永恒，每一秒都扩展成了各种永恒。

这条路通往一个巨大的穹顶结构，我相信，我当时是在天堂，上帝的世界，随便你叫它什么。我有一种强烈的回家的感觉。

同时，我又能回头看到那条河。我的身体还浸没在水中。一群划皮划艇的人努力想要靠近我，但是他们做不到。

大概过了 15 分钟，他们放弃了救援，他们真的开始休息了，恢复自己的体力。有一个人看到我的救生衣出现在下游，觉得我丈夫可能会想要，他去拿的时候，感觉到我的身体撞击了他的腿，于是他潜到水下，能够抓到我的手腕。

我的身体都膨胀、发紫了，眼睛已经呆滞了。毫无疑问，我的内心认为，我的身体已经死亡了，但我从那个穹顶结构的入口往下看，他们开始做心肺复苏，我还能听到他们说话。有一个人一直呼唤我，让我醒醒，让我呼吸，说，“拜托你醒醒，我知道你还没走。”

我有 30分钟脱离了氧气，从这个时间数据来看，我活下来的概率已经为零了。

我不想下去，回到自己的身体中。

我有一种非常真实的感觉，被抱着，被安慰着，让我相信，一切都好。但是那些存在告诉我，我的时间还没有到，我在地球上还有更多事情要做，我必须回到自己的身体中。

等我睁开眼的时候，给我施救的那几个人震惊了。

我的身体非常扭曲，毕竟我刚刚溺水，但我同时还有多处骨折、腿部韧带撕裂。我当时还在河流的一侧，在一个荒无人烟的地方，给我施救的那几个人把我的身体放在了一个皮划艇上，他们开始试着把我拉上山坡。我们到了一条土路上。他们觉得，或许可以让谁跑去弄一个拖拉机，或者一匹马什么的。

但当我们到了土路上的时候，那里就有一辆救护车。然而在 1999 年的智利南方，根本没有救护车这种东西，很让人费解。

他们用了好几个小时，但是我朋友们最终把我送到了医院。我丈夫被医生告知，我可能活不过那晚。

但我活过去了。我在医院住了一个多月，我进行了几次大手术，还有很多个月的复健，我才终于又能走路了。

从经验数据来看，我存活下来、没有明显大脑损伤的概率为零，但我从没有过任何的大脑损伤。我的孩子们或许不会认同这句话，但是，我完全康复了。

作为一名医师，我身边的人都不太喜欢讨论濒死体验这种事情。科学工作者通常认为，任何超自然的东西都不能相信。我刚读医学院的时候，我会把死亡定义为，死亡就是身体的死亡。

但是我的濒死体验，还有十年后发生在我儿子身上的事情，极大地改变了我对死亡的定义。

我不相信，我们知道一切。

儿子遭遇意外

我比这个地球上的任何人都更有动机去反对我所描述的东西，因为在我的濒死体验中，我和这些存在一起的时候，他们告诉我，我的大儿子韦利将会意外死亡。在我出事的时候，他才九岁。

我知道，如果我能想到任何其他的合理解释，我就能够不去相信他们告诉我的事情。他们并没有告诉我他死亡的具体日期和时间，但他们给我的信息非常具体，让我去认为他永远都活不过 18 岁。

然后，我问为什么，“你知道为什么？为什么是韦利？为什么是我儿子？”

他们告诉我，一切的事情，都有它的美丽。

你们可以想象，我每天早上起来，都会去想今天是不是我儿子的死期，这有多痛苦。

我没有对任何人说这件事，直到韦利 18 岁生日后不久。我们在一次滑雪比赛上，我在凌晨四点敲韦利酒店的房门，告诉了他。

他以为我疯了，但我告诉了他。

他听到以后，泰然自若地接受了，所以当他到了 18 岁生日的时候，我松了一口气，我开始认为，他命运的安排已经改变了。

大约两年后，韦利当时在缅恩州的一个滑雪营地，他在滚轮滑雪。这是一种全国的陆地滑雪项目，和他的一个朋友一起滚轮滑雪，一辆车错开了他的朋友，撞到了他，当场死亡。

世界都停止了。

我的经历没有保护我，让我免受悲伤。

死亡不是终结

我爱我儿子，也会继续爱他。我对他的爱，远超出我的想象，但是我的濒死体验改变的我对死亡的理解。死亡不是句号，不是终结，死亡只是失去了身体。

我知道我的儿子正在某个地方。我知道，我会再见到他。²

My Near-Death Experience³

Mary C. Neal

MD，ORTHOPEDIC SPINE SURGEON

As a physician, I know thatmost people don't think about death reallyuntil they're forced to.But 20 years ago,I was not only physically dead,I had been dead for a while.And that experience radically changedeverything about what I am and who I am.

In 1999,I arranged to go to Chile and kayak.And I was looking forwardto this section of riverthat's well known for its waterfalls.We put on the river and we went overthe first couple of drops.This river has a very high flow.So we decided to run this smaller partof the first major waterfall.And so I pulled out in the current.There was another kayakerwho had sort of bobbled her way past.And her boat was lodged sidewaysat the entrance.So I was forced overto the main part of the waterfall.I knew it was not gonna be good!

My boat became pinned and I was completelysubmerged under ten feet of water.I was not breathing.My torso was absolutely plasteredto the front deck of the boat.I could feel my bones breaking.

I thought I should be screaming,but I wasn't.I felt... uh, no pain, no fear, no panic.I felt more alive than I've ever felt.

I could feel my spiritsort of peeling away from my body,and my spirit was then releasedup to the heavens.I was immediately greetedby a group of somethings.

I don't know what to call them.People, spirits, beings.I didn't recognize any of them.But they had been importantin my life story somehow.Like a grandparentwho died before I was born.They were so overjoyed to welcome meand greet me and love me.

These beings started taking medown this pathway.The pathway was very thickly coveredwith hundreds of thousands of flowers,and the aromas of flowers.It was explodingwith every color of the universe.There was an absolute shiftof time and dimension.I experienced all of eternityin every second,and every secondexpanded into all of eternity.

The pathway wentto this great domed structure.I believe I was in heaven.God's world, whatever you wanna call it.I had an overwhelming senseof being home.

At the same time,I could look back at the river,where my bodywas still submerged under water.The group of kayakerskept trying to get to me,but they were never able to do it.

And after maybe 15 minutes,they had given up rescue.They had really shifted overinto a body recovery mode.One of the guys saw my life jacketpop up downstreamand thought that maybe my husbandwould want it.As he got that,he felt my body hit his leg.So he reached underwaterand was able to grab my wrist.

My body was bloated and purpleand I had fixed eyes.There's absolutely no doubtin my own mind that I was physically dead.But I watchedfrom the entrance to the domed structureas they started CPR,and I could still hear them.One of the guys kept calling to meto come back and take a breath.You know, "Please come back.I know you're still here."

I had been without oxygen for 30 minutes,and the statistical likelihoodof my survival should have been zero.

I did not want to go back down to my body.

I had a very, very physical sensationof being held and comfortedand reassured that everything was fine.But the beings told methat it wasn't my time,that I had more work to do on Earth,and that I had to go back to my body.

When I opened my eyes,the guys that resuscitated mewere stunned.

I was in terrible shape.I mean, I had just drowned.But I also had, uh...multiple broken bonesand torn ligaments in my legs.And I wason the side of a riverin the middle of nowhere.The guys who resuscitated meput my body on top of a boatand then beganto try to get me up the hillside.We emerged onto a dirt road.They thought maybe someone would runand get a tractor, a horse or something.

But when we emerged onto the dirt road,exactly there was an ambulance, whichin 1999, in southern Chile,didn't exist.It was inexplicable.

It took a number of hours,but my friends got me to the hospital.My husband was actually told thatI probably would not survive the night.

But I did.I was in the hospitalfor more than a month.I had several operations.Then many, many months of rehabbefore I could walk again.

And statistically, I had zero likelihoodof survivingwithout significant brain damage.But I never actually had any brain damage.My kids might saysomething differently, butImade a complete recovery.

As a physician,I'm not really in a crowd of peoplewho want to talk about thingslike near death experiences.People in science often think you can'tpossibly believe in anything supernatural.When I went off to medical school,I would have defined death asdeath, meaning physical death.

But my near-death experience,and then what happenedto my son ten years later,changed my definition of deathsignificantly.

I don't believe thatwe know everything.

I had more motivationthan any other person on this planetto disprove my account.Because during my near-death experience,when I was with these beingsthey told me about the comingand unexpected deathof my oldest son, Willie,who was only nine years oldat the time of my accident.

I knew that if I could come upwith any other plausible explanation,that I would be able to discounteverything I'd been told.I wasn't given details in termsof the date and time of his death,but it was very concrete informationthat made me thinkhe would never live to be 18.

AndI asked why.You know, why...Why Willie? Why my son?

And I was toldthat beauty comes of all things.

You can imagine how difficult it wasto wake up every day wonderingif that would be the day that my son died.

I did not tell anyone about thatuntil shortly beforeWillie's 18th birthday.We were at a ski raceand I knocked on Willie's hotel room doorat about four in the morningand told him.

And he thought-- he thought I was crazy.

Um...But I told him and hetook it in stride.So when he reached his 18th birthday,I relaxed.I sort of thoughtthe plan for his life had changed.

About two years laterWillie was at a ski camp in Maine.He was roller-skiing,which is a cross-country,dry landform of skiingwith a friend of his,and acar missed her and hit himand killed him instantly.

The world stopped.

My experience, uh, did notand does not protect me from grief.

Um...I love...I loved my son and continue to love him...uh...more than I can imagine.But my near-death experiencechangeshow I understand death.Death is not the final wordand it's not the end.Death is just the physical loss.

I know my son issomewhere.And I know that I'll see him again.

¹ 出自老子《道德经》第三十三章：

知人者智
自知者眀
勝人者有力
自勝者強
知足者富
強行者有志
不失其所者久
死而不亡者壽

晉右軍王羲之書太上玄元道德經
早稻田文庫藏
https://www.shuge.org/ebook/daodejingwxz/zh-hant/

² 摘自网飞最新纪录片《死而不亡》（Surviving Death，2021）自带中文字幕，字幕翻译：王成成。

³来源：https://subscene.com/subtitles/surviving-death-first-season

这部纪录片的片名“Surviving Death”，原是“死而复生”的意思，中译为“死而不亡”，对于探索濒死体验、灵媒、轮回这样的话题，这个译法更为贴切。

Surviving Death（2021）
死而不亡
第一集：濒死体验（Near-Death Experience）第二集：灵媒（上）（Mediums Part 1）
第三集：灵媒（下）（Mediums Part 2）
第四集：死后显灵（Signs from the Dead）第五集：看见死去的人（Seeing Dead People）第六集：轮回（Reincarnation）纪录片/真人秀

美国
英语
2021.1.6 美国
55 分钟/集

全六集在线：https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV17V411t7j3