Who I loved was a girl from college.I wasn’t exactly close to her, but with some superficial facts and a few interactions over semester. You know like most guys fantasizing over girl they barely know, I filled in the blanks like a fairy-tale author. And who she became in my head was probably more than the reality.She was a third year, Sorority girl. Yeah, and I was in actuality fresh man, sure...but there some more times you kept spending together outside the class, really allowed me to see she also had a good heart and a bright spirit.The only problem was so did just about every other guy.And while she turned me down nicely, I swear, there were times when it seemed like the cliche cliche sorority girl. May’ve felt something for the typical awkward fresh man.
What I loved was an old friend. But she was much more than just a friend.We met early in college and kept in touch with the years after. We saw each other grow and change, and through multiple relationships. I saw her different boyfriends come and go. She was also there for every girlfriend and break up every month. Personality, humor, taste, she was all there. Her and I were almost perfect. Only thing that wasn’t perfect was our timing. We were never single at the same time and what we loved about each other was never enough to leave who we are with. This is something we eventually had the faith and accepted. And we had to leave behind... What we had.
When I loved was my first girlfriend in high school. It’s a bit unfair, because she embodies a combination of both love and youth. The feeling of young love is unique, and impossible to replace and replicate, because we can only be that age once. High school was a tome of innocence, discovery and adventure. We shared these three elements together and things like our first kiss, late night sneaking out and mad name movies, all of which now have become a nostalgic love, preserved in a time that neither of us can touch. But I know it was there, even though we were just kids. There is not a doubt in my mind that when we were there. We were in love.
Where I loved was a girl I met in Los Angeles. I never intended to stay there that long. I was just a six-month internship after graduating. But it all changed when I met her. Soon a year had passed, then somehow another year after that, I couldn’t leave the city. I couldn’t leave her. Maybe it was my desire to be on my own, or prove something to everyone back at home, but she helped me accomplish it over there. With the reflect of the city we were in, a new energy and new experiences that really push me to mature more than anyone or anyone or anywhere else. When people ask which city I love the most, I say, L.A. The city where I loved the most.
Why I loved was a close friend of mine who passed away. She told me after she was diagnosed that death was not what sadden her the most. But the fact that she never really felt like she had fallen in love. She wouldn’t get to have those emotions, good and bad of being hurt and of being held. After she passed, those words stuck with me the most, teaching me to see that one of the greatest gift we have of being alive is the ability to give, receive and even lose love. There is so many like her whose loves and before having any of those experiences. What a waste if we don’t strive to love in our lives! She maybe understand why, why wastes her life not loving.
You are the six, you are none if them. Because you are all of them. You are who I loved. The girl on the pedestal, the fantasy that make believe things that are actually true. You are what I loved. The depth, the insight jokes, the best friend. You are when I loved. A new history has been started with you. We are the young lovers that our older selves would someday reminisce about. You are where I loved. Because I’d go anywhere, just to be with you. You are why I love. Because before you, I didn’t truly understand what I was looking for. Now that we found each other, you’ve given my past and future meaning. You are the six, you are the last.
