“There’s not a soul in the world that wants to talk to me.” yeah, not even a single soul instead of skins… is that me the awkward girl who standing in the crowd, asking the passersby, “has anyone been in love”? I cannot help thinking it… Only one difference—I just don’t believe true love will happen to me, while she doubts the existence of true love. My point is there IS true love out there, but it is for some, or many or the large majority of people. You cannot deny that by any chance, there is someone who is isolated or just forgotten. He or she is the 0.000000001%.
What is love? Compared with scientific explanations, I’m more convinced that love is mysterious and magic. It cannot be proved or manifested by a simple formula or something. To some extent, I suppose, love is a kind of personal feeling. Different people come out with different versions. So I cannot speak for the rest of the world that no one has ever felt it before. I don’t have the position to claim that their love is not real. My being incapable of love doesn’t mean the rest are the same with me. I’m aware of it…but sometimes I’m easily lost in the thoughts what love is. What is its measurable unit? Time? But has it ever occurred to you that a person you just met for a sec makes you feel that you have known him/her for years. Time is not? Then what do you say that time can make love clear? Many people realize who is their true love after decades…does love have to be a life-long thing or it can only last for a glimpse…or is it measured by working out? If a relationship works out, then it clarifies itself…Or maybe love is just something for you to feel and give with your heart. Wondering what love is will push you away from the truth? So we don’t have to put it under the magnifying glass or microscope… And I am simply thinking too much… Yeah, I know. I contradict myself a lot. I’m a paradox. Sorry.
Is sacrificing a sign of love? I believe so. Sacrificing reason, rules, dishonesty and “normally” make the way for love flooding in. You give up the image that you have endeavored to build up, and then you will get a new YOU who you have never known…
Incapable of love? I guess I am. Actually I might not be incapable of falling in loving love, the affection and imagination. But I believe I don’t have the capability to love someone in real… On one side, I long for love, even when I was a child. No kidding. But on the other side, I’m afraid of love. If I find someone who likes me and is about to make some moves, even if I feel something about him, I will escape like a snail’s tentacles being touched…it seems making no sense, but it is just the case…the latest crushes that I had happened online. Both of them live far away from where I stayed. And we never meet each other in person. One of them has been with someone else for several years, the other having someone in his heart. Puff…It is very sarcastic, because “I like you” is usually something to start a relationship, but for me, it means the opposite…Recently I have introspected, and here is the conclusion I draw—I only have the nerve to like someone almost impossible for me. It is weirdly interesting, like you want to call someone but also anxious about this. And when you dial the number and no one answers, probably you will dial it again and again since you know no one is there…
Forget the crap I have said above. I am saying… no matter how I put myself in a low place, minimizing expectations towards life, I cannot help leaving a tiny corner to love. Yeah, I’m still waiting…waiting for someone to light that corner and let love wholly burn in my heart...
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