每一次想要自杀的George教授感受到生气的时候，作为影片基本色调的冷色就会转变成鲜艳的暖色。
第一次暖色调出现，是05:29。george教授的回忆里，jim在草坪上逗弄两只猎狐犬
第二次，06:31，回忆里jim和自己在玻璃房子里亲吻。
第三次，07:42。还是回忆，是夜晚的房间里因而暖色调不是很明显。教授接到通知jim死亡的电话，然后在雨中跑向女性朋友Charley家，失声痛哭。
前三次都是回忆。
大概想说明，教授在jim没有离开的时候，还生活得很幸福，每一个片段都温暖鲜明，直到Jim死去。
第四次色调变化，18:38。教授和教学秘书（？）的对话中，教学秘书露出笑容时的圆润的红色嘴唇的特写 。
第五次，20:12。教授一边跟同事格兰特聊天，一边看着打网球的男学生修长精壮的肉体，镜头捕捉男学生的肌肉特写 （想象中的同事一家在蜜汁防空洞里跟牲畜合影也用了暖色调，大概是想表达其实别人的生活都很多彩快乐，只有教授生活在灰暗的痛苦里）。
第六次 22:40，教授在上课，讲赫胥黎。男学生肯尼面部特写
第七次，较为特殊，镜头中景象变成黑白色。在教授取到保险箱中jim的黑白照片后陷入的回忆里，景物都是黑白色的，与Jim的黑白照片相呼应。这是影片中除了教授死亡的瞬间之外唯一使用了黑白色调的地方。
第八次，38:21。教授在银行里跟穿着lo装的邻居女孩相遇，镜头从少女的小腿上拉。38:42，教授的面部特写变成暖色调，这是在现实生活当中教授的面部色调第一次转暖。40:22，教授的面部色调由暖转冷。
第九次，41:57。教授在便利店门口亲吻开车女士的小猎狐犬India。
第十次，43:36。教授在便利店门口跟西班牙小伙卡洛斯聊天。西班牙小伙抽烟时的嘴唇特写。
第十一次，48:14，又是教授的回忆。想起教授和jim坐在沙发上看书的情景。
第十二次，55:54，教授去阿姨家做客，在门口小花园托起一朵玫瑰花观察。玫瑰花特写。
在阿姨家全程 色调都比较温暖 教授跟阿姨的相处基本比较愉快，也可能灯光的原因。感觉是前者。因为最后教授决定不自杀的时候，内心的os是：感谢你们把我拉了回来。
第十三次，回忆杀，69:31。教授自杀前回忆跟jim在酒吧遇见的情景。
第十四次，教授死前想回到跟jim遇见的酒吧喝一杯，遇见了来找他的小鲜肉kenny，喝酒聊天，全程暖色调。
游泳后回到教授家 色调也是温暖的，不知道是不是因为灯光，还是教授跟小鲜肉比较合拍，觉得生活有了一些生气。感觉上是后者，因为在后面教授发病死去的镜头中，色调又重新转冷。
第十五次，94:07教授发病死去，躺在床边的地毯上。色调由暖变冷，又变成黑白。
教授的溺水幻觉则总归出现了三次：开头梦中/21:58上课的时候/88:13回家睡着时候。
“for Richard Buckley” 在影片《单身男子》结尾时出现在银幕上。这是导演送给爱人的礼物。
据说，Richard Buckley曾经问Tom Ford为何不把这一行字写在影片开始时，Tom Ford回答说，因为不想让对你的爱变成影片的噱头。我相信他的目的达到了。撇开Tom Ford本人不谈，《单身男子》也是一部打动人心的电影。事实上，我在看完这部影片之后才发现Tom Ford竟然是该片的导演。
片中的“single man”乔治教授经历了丧偶的悲剧，无法鼓起勇气生活。爱人Jim出车祸死亡，他却无法去参加爱人的葬礼，因为葬礼只允许家人参加，而在同性恋人无法缔结婚姻的1962年，他无法成为对方的家人。他只能在接到爱人表哥的报丧电话时蓄着眼泪，看似平静地接受现实，又或者在梦中的雪地里走向Jim的车祸现场，亲吻一次满脸鲜血的爱人。
后来，小鲜肉学生肯尼问他：老师，你害怕什么？
他回答：汽车。
然而影片里的1962年，汽车很漂亮。线条优美，色彩大方，亮晶晶地打着蜡。其他，也同样漂亮。男人的西装合体笔挺、衬衫雪白干净，女人的妆容妩媚动人、衣饰华丽，写字台木质优良、一尘不染，肉体都美丽健康，肌肉匀称。就连乔治教授自杀用的手枪，都银光闪闪，仿佛一件陈列的艺术品。
这不是真正的1962年。这是乔治教授眼中的1962年。
乔治教授是一位真正的绅士，有着良好的教养，天生优雅从容。罹遭这样的打击，也总不允许自己失去优雅的姿态。他要把自己的办公室收拾干净，从银行保险柜里取出所有的积蓄，把留给家政阿姨的小费装进信封放在面包袋里，把留给朋友的信和预备自己做殓衣用的西装和衬衫领带领针整齐地摆在写字台上，附上卡片：请打一个温莎结。然后，想要从容赴死。怕自己的血弄脏白床单，他又拿了野营的睡袋，把自己裹了进去。
拍出这样情节的人，一定优雅精致地过了头。
本片导演、大名鼎鼎的Tom Ford作为时尚界的领军人物，被许多爱美的女士所熟知。出生于1961年的他，在相继担任Gucci和YSL的总监之后开创了属于自己的品牌Tom Ford。
年轻时的Tom Ford英俊风流，过了多年鲜衣怒马的生活，既有过男朋友，也有过女朋友。对他来说，全裸出镜已不新鲜。在Gucci任职期间，他甚至还想出过将女性私处的毛发修剪成G字形的广告创意。[img=1:C][/img] 然而在25岁时，他遇见了时年38岁的《Vogue Hommes》主编Richard Buckley。Richard Buckley风度翩翩，年轻有为，是一位成功的杂志编辑。下面这张就是Richard Buckley年轻时的影像。[img=2:C][/img] 遇见了Richard Buckley的Tom Ford坠入了爱河，抛弃莺莺燕燕，义无反顾地去跟随温文儒雅的主编先生。
现在已经55岁的他，与68岁的Richard Buckley，从1986年相爱至今，共同生活了30年。然而，他们这30年却并非一帆风顺。[img=3:C][/img] 在一起三年后，Richard Buckley罹患喉癌，日渐形销骨立。当时，很多人误认为Richard Buckley是染上了艾滋病，极力劝说Tom Ford离开他。但是对这段感情坚定不移的Tom Ford不仅对爱人不离不弃，而且与劝说过自己跟Richard Buckley分开的人统统绝交。《单身男子》中，乔治教授因为失去爱人而失魂落魄，在漫长的沉默中痛不欲生，生活得井井有条却又难以为继，这种情绪，大概正是得知爱人罹患重病后的Tom Ford所经历过的。每一天都面临着爱人可能离开的恐惧，然而自己一贯地精致优雅，保持着平静和安宁，两相对比，不可谓不痛苦。[img=4:C][/img] 然而Tom Ford比乔治教授要幸运得多。在他的帮助下，Richard Buckley战胜了疾病。2012年，二人喜得贵子（当然是代孕的），取名Alexander John Buckley Ford，他们的名字终于合二为一。
2014年，两人在美国登记结婚。Tom Ford对媒体说：“我在大学的时候失去了很多朋友，当然包括那些曾经很亲密的人，而陪伴我27年Richard肯定也经历了许多艰难的事，现在我们终于结婚了，这真的很棒，虽然我知道在英国同志婚姻已经合法了，不过最后我们选在美国结婚。”Tom Ford和Richard Buckley等待了30年，在死亡的恐惧之上颤巍巍地度过了半生，终于迎来了成为彼此家人的一天。[img=5:C][/img][img=6:C][/img] 话说Richard Buckley还在《单身男子》中客串了一个角色。就是下图：[img=7:C][/img]
附上二人情书汉语版and原版：
汤姆福特,设计师：
当你看着他的时候，那感觉就像很久以前就已相识。我们第一次见面的那晚，我就仿佛已经对他再熟悉不过了。他有着最炽热的眼神——就像一只阿拉斯加雪橇犬。那不是一双蓝色的眼睛，也不是灰色的，那是一种从未见过的美丽色彩——类似于耀眼的银色。那双眼睛还未来得及表露情意，却早已令我深深着迷。
犹记彼此间初次邂逅是在1986年纽约的一场时装秀上。那时候的他正值38岁年轻有为之际，正处美国权威时尚媒体《女装时报》时装主编一职。他是那么的自信而又英俊，完美到似乎难以让人靠近。眼神又是如此般热烈以致于让胆怯的我焦躁不安。时装秀结束之后，我硬是狂奔出门跑到了大街上，才得以避开他。
十天后，我的老板，Cathy Hardwick派我去《女装时报》公司取回一些时装，我便被公司人员带到了模特们正在进行时装拍摄的顶楼。当电梯门打开的那一刻，我看见了一个眼神澄澈无比的男人。他急匆匆冲进来，介绍自己叫做理查德·巴克利，并告诉我时装实际上放在楼下,在一个他们所谓的“时尚衣橱”里。他真的很可爱，看起来完全就像一个大傻瓜。不停地手舞足蹈，用闪烁的大眼睛看着我，费尽心思想在我面前显得更加迷人。就在电梯运行的那段时间里,我就已暗暗下定决心要与他共度一生。我是个非常现实的人，我就想，好吧，看来似乎有某种羁绊要把我们系在了一起了。他在不停的说话,但随着“咚”的一声,电梯门开了,我心想,OK,搞定。他却依旧镇定。他是一个那么的英俊、镇静、又稳重成熟的人，令我生畏。后来他真的开始追我，关键已经不在于他追求的多么努力了。我真的很开心，但同时也让我局促不安。因为我深知他是那么的与众不同，那种感觉难以用言语描述，和他在一起的时光里，仿佛让我感受到了那从未有过的无与伦比般快乐。
有次星期六,约好了一起圣诞采购。几次约会之后,之后几乎每个夜晚我们都腻在一起。那大概是几天之后,我们才彼此说出“我爱你..”这样的话。但现在不一样了，在每晚入眠之前、每次挂掉电话之前、每一次邮件的末尾，我们都会对彼此说出这样的话来表达爱意。我是这么认为的,如果我爱你,我就应该让你明白我的心意。也许你可能会在握着他的手或者亲吻的时候才会说出这样的话，但我从未停止过告诉他，我爱他。
那次，我们都分别回各自家里过圣诞了,但当我们再次相聚的时候，他给我配了把他公寓的钥匙，并且希望我能搬去和他住在一起，我当即就答应了。我们相处了还不到一个月,有人和他已经共同生活了大概三、四年，但那不是一个特别认真的关系，他也很自觉的解决了这件事。那时候他才正值38岁，我25岁，但是我们都已有充分的准备，安顿居所、坠入爱河,与彼此共度一生。我年轻的时候也曾沉迷酒精、毒品、到处跑Party，也和很多人发生过关系，玩也该玩够了。这种花天酒地般糜烂的生活需要结束了。在我14岁的时候我发生了第一次性关系，高中时期我也曾有过女友，谈恋爱的那段时间她两度怀孕。在70年代那段日子里，人流也是避孕的方式之一，那个时候在大部分学校里，人们对人流的态度都很随意。如果是现在，我有和谁在一起的话，我肯定不会这么做的。我想那也许也是一个时代的特征，即使在电视上，性都被随意对待，更别说青少年了。当你看70年代的老电视节目，人们几乎很随意的发生性关系，但是那次艾滋病的爆发，彻底改变了人们的想法。
自从某个比较早期的病人被诊断出患有艾滋病之后，人们开始把艾滋病称作同性恋特有的癌症。 1981年，听到了好友患上艾滋的消息，完全把我吓坏了，从此以后我开始非常注意安全措施。
那也许确实救了我的命，不过从此完全破坏了我对性的看法。你已经开始把性和死亡联系到一起了——至少我已经这么看了。我和Richard，彼此约会了三次以后才发生了关系，那是因为当时我最好的朋友正躺在医院里，因为艾滋而垂死挣扎。而Richard最好的朋友因为艾滋而在医院已然离世。所以约会之后，我们都分别去了趟医院检查，那是我们那段时间常做的事。但我们依旧对艾滋有着巨大的恐惧，并且十分影响我们的早期性生活。我们一边坠入爱河，一边眼看着最亲密的朋友离世。如果可以让我列个名单，起码在80年代，我俩就已经有一半的好友离世。并且持续到90年代早期——都没有结束。
我们在一起共同生活了三年后，Richard被诊断出癌症,并且在当时被告知是不治之症。我们已经发生了很多令人难过的悲剧，一起经历了种种患难，最终，还是让彼此更加密不可分。这些同患难共甘苦的岁月都是我们人生中珍贵的财富，最终使我们生命的火花绽放地更加绚丽美好。
彼此一起慢慢变老也似乎是件很有意思的事，我们都有所改变。刚谈恋爱的那段日子里我一直都很安静——其实我是一个有些、非常、甚至近乎病态般害羞的人，虽然我知道现在没人相信了。因为我时常出现在公共视野里，而且又似乎是个工作狂。其实刚开始谈恋爱的时候,Richard是一个非常非常善于社交而且异常健谈的人。他性格外向乐观，而我性格内向害羞，你们现在看见我们的时候肯定想的完全相反。现在Richard常常表现得很安静，特别当他和你很熟的时候。但如果你在party上碰见了他，他也是很活泼的。其实我真心不喜欢party，我尽量努力不去参加，我更喜欢和Richard彼此间的晚餐，或者和五、六个朋友一起。
有件事总是让我觉得很可笑——也许可笑不是一个特别准确的形容词，因为那实际上是件很严肃的事——时常和众好友们聚会的时候，他们都是异性恋，他们过了很久才意识到原来我和Richard已经一起生活了24年，反应常常是，“哇，你俩都呆一起24年啦！简直神了.....我以为同性恋情侣都不会相处那么长时间的..”我就问，“为什么？你到底在说什么？”在我的朋友圈里，目前关系维持最长久的都是同性情侣。我和Richard在一起的那段日子里，很多我的异性恋朋友却时常结婚、离婚，结婚又离婚....我发现这种偏见，即使在我的一些受过高素质教育的朋友中也依旧存在，他们认为同性恋在一起的原因更多是性需求而非因为彼此间的爱情，在如今文化高度发达的社会中居然还存在这种偏见，这其实是件让人很震惊的事。我感到很幸运也很渴望能成为任何人的另一半，无论我爱的是异性或同性，我需要的都是爱。Richard和我也许注定相随，用爱互相依靠，或许那就是所谓的当你凝视爱人双眸那一刻，似乎已然望穿他此生，早已相识，我想,他就是我生命最美的归宿。
理查德•巴克利 主编：
在巴黎待了三年半后，我又因为接受了一个名为"Scene"的杂志主编一职，搬回了纽约。回到纽约的第四天，我参加了一位叫大卫卡梅隆的年轻设计师的一场时装秀。正当我默默等待表演开场之际(是在一个Loft艺术区举办的)，在人群的边缘我瞥见了一个男子，长得很好看，绝对算好看的那种。表演结束后，我一直呆坐在椅子上无聊地在笔记本上涂涂画画，直到他的驼色大衣闯入我的视线，我立马来了精神，开始往他的方向走去。我说了，我们所在的那地方是个Loft艺术区，最快离开的路径就是走楼梯。我俩一边漫步，我一边时不时地上下打量他，时而对他微笑，他也以略勉强的微笑回应。我俩一直保持着这样的局面直到走出了艺术区，我肯定他当时巴不得赶快逃离。
时间过得飞快，十天后，我又来到十二号街一栋楼的楼顶拍摄一组写真，艺术总监欧文问我是否有男朋友。
"没。"
"那你最近也没有约会？"
"没，我自从回纽约后就没怎么出去玩。"
"为什么？"
"我离开纽约有三年半了，现在两份工作等着我，得赶紧适应工作节奏，我可不想被耽误了。"
"那你也没遇见什么心上人吗？"
我就把上次秀上遇到那人那事告诉他了。巧的是两分钟后哈利从拍摄间跑到楼顶来告诉我，"有个人过来要取回他们公司的服装。"然后我就看到秀上遇到的那人走了过来。
我小声地告诉欧文，"就是他。"
"谁？"
"这就那人。"
"哪个？"
"就那个啊！"
"噢他不会就是……"
"没错，就是他。"
我走过去告诉那个年轻人，除了一会儿要用的那件衣服以外其他的都能给他拿回去。然后我就带他坐电梯去楼下的工作间，在电梯里我一直像个八卦小女生一样叨个没完，边说还边搔首弄姿般捋捋头发，试图吸引他。他就在那站着，一声不吭。他越沉默越显得我傻里傻气。我划拉着衣橱里的时装又开始叨，"明天晚上你老板会在她公寓里办个庆祝我回归的晚会。"我希望他会把这事告诉她，毕竟她在gay圈中可是很识时务的，一定会把他也顺便请过来。
第二天晚上，晚会虽赞，可是那人的身影并没出现。晚会过后我把他老板拉到一边问，"你助理叫什么名字？"
"托瓦。"
"不对，不叫托瓦，是长得很好看的一家伙。"
"顺毛。"
"顺毛？"
"他真名叫汤姆，不过我管他叫顺毛。"她老公也叫汤姆斯诺登，为了区分开来，她就给一个汤姆取名'凶巴巴'另一个取名'顺毛'。
我说了，她绝对是一个很懂的人，"他肯定就是你那个对的人。星期一过来一起吃顿午餐吧，我会帮你牵线的。"
果然，第二天早上她就在办公室唤着，"汤姆，你进来。"她告诉他，"理查德•巴克利，WWD和Scene的时尚主编，他想约你出去，这个人对我们公司很重要，你把我的卡拿着，他想干嘛你就陪他干嘛。"
周一那天，倾盆大雨。我来到了她的办公室心想着等会就会去外面吃饭。上次在她办公室就着西红柿汤就吃了点三明治。吃到一半，汤姆就起身了说他得回去工作了。那会儿我就在想，我三十八了，他才二十五，他大概是不会喜欢我这类型的怪老头了。我被三振出局了。
我回到了办公室，大约十分钟后电话响了。
"喂。"
"你好，我是汤姆福特，打个电话来是想问问你有没有空改天出来和我喝一杯或者吃顿饭。"
丝毫没有防备，我完全没想到他会找我，还以为他很高冷。"额，明天还有后天晚上我要参加商务晚会，星期三晚上我还得出国一趟，一周以后大概才有空？"他说没事。然后我们又在电话里聊了一会儿，他很主动的找我聊天，我就心想他其实完全不高冷啊。电话快要挂了，我告诉他，"听着,明晚那个晚会其实也是可有可无，如果我没去的话能不能约你出来？" "当然可以。"
说实话，之后的一整天我都按耐不住兴奋的心情。其实根本就没有商业晚会，不用出国，什么都没有。没有。周二下午四点二十三分，我打电话告诉他晚会取消了，问他还有没有空。
我俩的第一次约会，实际上是在城东贫民区一个很简陋的餐馆过的，叫'Albuquerque eats'，估计现在应该已经拆了。汤姆就坐在那和我闲聊，"十年内我要在巴黎展出我自己设计的时装，我要成为一个百万富翁，我要……我要……."我当时就想，这家伙真是幼稚。我们又聊了其他的事情，我才发现其实他的内心就像是一个兔子洞般奇妙。望向他，我已目眩神迷，仿佛透过这双目，便可以深入到他的内心世界。我发现他是个有着远大抱负又善良的年轻人，不知不觉中我似乎已经为他着迷。
经历过多次失败的恋爱，让我对很多东西都很怀疑敏感，和汤姆在一起的时候，我很小心，避免重蹈覆辙。多次受伤的我学会了和人保持适当距离，但是1986年的那个新年夜，我俩没出去，待在我公寓里。我给了他一个蒂凡尼的盒子，里面放着我公寓的钥匙。第二天他就搬了进来。
汤姆是绝对的现代版的绅士，对于绅士风度我们态度一致，我俩都是那种会为女士拉椅子开门的那种人。如果你有礼貌修养，人们是会感受到的，他们会很感激你的，因为你尊重他们。89年，我得了喉癌。有些人对此反应过激，汤姆选择了和他们断绝来往。我挚友和一位导师在87年和88年相继离世，都是因为艾滋。所以有些人武断的认为我得的也是艾滋，他们不肯来看我因为他们觉得好像一过来就会感染艾滋病。汤姆直接和这些人断绝了来往，就是在街上碰到都不会理。
我无法想象没有了汤姆的生活。如果他有什么闪失，生活怎能继续。于我而言，他始终都是二十四年前我遇见的那个有着远大抱负并且善良的年轻人，那个世上独一无二的汤姆，我的汤姆。
Tom Ford, Designer:
You can look at someone and feel like you've known him forever. The first night I ever had drinks with Richard I felt I knew everything about him. He has the wildest eyes -- like an Alaskan husky. They're not blue, they're not gray, they're a color you've never seen before -- they approach silver. They give away absolutely nothing, yet they are completely mesmerizing. We first encountered each other at a fashion show in New York in 1986. He was 38 at the time and the fashion editor of Women's Wear Daily. He was confident and handsome in a way that made him almost unapproachable. His stare was so intense that it completely unnerved me, and when the show was over I literally bolted out the door and down the street to avoid him. Ten days later, my employer, Cathy Hardwick, sent me to the office of Women's Wear Daily to retrieve some clothes. I was directed to the roof where they were being photographed, and as the elevator opened, there was the man with the eyes the color of water. He rushed over and introduced himself as Richard Buckley and told me that the clothes were actually downstairs and offered to take me down to what was then called 'the fashion closet.' He was adorable, and he was a complete fool. He was sort of dancing around, flashing his eyes at me, and trying so hard to be charming. I decided in that elevator ride that I was going to marry him. I'm very pragmatic, and I was, like, OK, there's some kind of connection here. He ticked every box, and -- boom -- by the time we got to the floor, I was like, OK, sold. He seemed so together. He was so handsome, he was so connected, he was so grown-up, so he was very intimidating. And he really chased me -- not that he had to chase that hard. It excited me but it also scared me, because I knew he was different and that whatever it was I felt with him was very different from what I'd felt before.
We did our Christmas shopping together one Saturday, and we spent almost every night together after our first few dates. It was probably a few days before we were saying things like, 'I think I'm in love with you.' Now, we say it to each other every night before we go to sleep, and we say it at the end of every telephone conversation, and we write it at the end of every e-mail. Every time you think, I love you, I really believe you have to say it. If you think about holding their hand or kissing them, you do it. I do it all the time.
We both went home for Christmas, and when we came back, he gave me the key to his apartment and asked if I'd move in, and I did. We'd known each other barely a month. He'd lived with someone for three or four years, but it wasn't really a serious relationship, and he was very consciously looking for that. He had come to that stage of his life at age 38, and I was at that stage at age 25, but we were both ready to settle down and fall in love and have a life with someone. I had slept with a lot of people and done my fair share of drinking and dancing and drugs. I'd had sex for the first time when I was 14. I had a girlfriend in high school who was pregnant twice while we were together. In those days, in the '70s, abortion was considered a form of birth control, and I think in most high schools at the time, it was quite casual. I certainly wouldn't do that if I were with someone today, even as a teenager, so I think it was a part of that era, and the casualness with which sex was treated on television. When you watch an old '70s television show, everyone is just hopping into bed with everyone in a completely casual way. I think AIDS definitely changed it.
One of the very first people to be diagnosed with what was then called gay cancer, in 1981, was a friend of mine. It completely flipped me out, and from then on, I was extremely safe. It probably saved my life, but it damaged the way I think about sex forever. You just associated sex with death'or at least I did. Richard and I had three dates before we had sex, because my best friend was in the hospital, dying from AIDS, and Richard's best friend was in the hospital, dying of AIDS. So we would have a date, and then he would go to the hospital, and I would go to the hospital; consequently, that was very much on our minds. There was still enormous fear, and that affected our early sexual relationship tremendously, as well as just watching very close friends die at the same time we were falling in love. If we made a list, I would say that half of our friends from the early '80s are no longer with us. It continued into the early '90s -- it just didn't stop.
Three years after we started living together, Richard was diagnosed with cancer and at the time was told that it was most likely going to be fatal. We've had a fair amount of personal family tragedy, and things happen that do, ultimately, bring you closer, because they're things you go through together and they make your history richer.
Getting older together has been interesting because we've both changed. I was very quiet at the beginning of our relationship -- I'm actually a very, extremely, almost pathologically shy person, which no one believes today, because I have also mastered a work/public facade that takes an enormous amount of energy to project. And Richard, when we first got together, was very, very social and very talkative. Richard is an extrovert, and I'm an introvert, but meeting us today you would think the opposite. Richard, now, often, can be quite quiet, especially if he knows you well. But if you get Richard at a party, he's extremely animated. I actually hate parties, and I try not to go. I prefer dinner one-on-one or with four or six people.
One of the things that always amuses me -- amuses isn't even the right word, because it doesn't amuse me -- but often, I'm at dinner parties with very close friends, straight, and they realize that Richard and I have been together 24 years, and the response is often, 'Wow, you guys have been together 24 years! That's so amazing. I don't think of gay men being together that long.' And I'm, like, 'Why? What are you talking about?' Some of the longest relationships I know of are same-sex couples. A lot of my straight friends have married and divorced and married and divorced in the time Richard and I have been together. I think that preconception, from even very educated liberal friends, that being gay is possibly more sex-based than emotionally based, is surprising and shocking in today's world. I'm someone who likes being part of a couple and always wanted that and always sought that, and it would probably be true for me whether I was gay or straight. Richard and I are bound together, and I think that's what that recognition is when you look someone in the eyes and you feel like you've known them forever. It is a kind of coming home.
Richard Buckley，Writer:
After three and a half years in Paris, I moved back to New York to be the editor of a new Fairchild magazine called Scene. On my fourth day back in town, I attended the show of a young designer called David Cameron. As I was waiting for the show to begin (it was held in a loft), I noticed a guy standing in the crowd off to the side and thought, Cute. Definitely cute. When the show was over, I sat in my seat, fiddling with my pens and my notebook, until I saw his camel coat out of the corner of my eye. I hopped up and started to walk out with him. Like I said, we were in a loft, and the quickest way out was by the stairs. As we walked, I would look over at him from time to time and smile. He'd give me a weak smile back. This went on until we hit the street, when I swear he sprinted away from me.
Fast-forward 10 days, and I am up on the roof of the Fairchild building on 12th Street doing a hideous shoot for WWD when Owen, the art director, asked if I had a boyfriend.
'No.'
'Are you seeing anyone?'
'No. I haven't even been out since I've been back.'
'Why is that?'
'I've been away for three and a half years, I have two jobs, and I've got to get back into the work rhythm of New York. I don't want any distractions.'
'Hasn't there been someone you've thought of asking out?'
At that point, I told him about this guy I'd seen at David Cameron's fashion show and how he'd disappeared. Literally two minutes later, Harry, from the photo lab, came up on the roof and said, 'There's some guy here from Cathy Hardwick to pick up clothes.' It was then that the guy from the fashion show stepped onto the roof.
I turned to Owen and said, 'That's him.'
'Who?'
'That's him.'
'Him who?'
'Him!'
'You mean -- '
'Yes.'
I went over and told the young man I could give him all the clothes except for the dress we were going to photograph, most likely, for a cover. I took him down in the elevator to the WWD floor. The whole time down in the elevator I was babbling on like a schoolgirl. It is at this point, when telling this story, that I like to put my hands up to my head and wiggle my fingers like eyelashes. I was shamelessly flirting with this boy. He, meanwhile, said nothing, and the quieter he was, the sillier I became. As I was bagging the clothes up in the fashion closet, I told him, 'Tomorrow night, Cathy is giving me a 'welcome back to New York' dinner at her apartment.' I was hoping he'd mention it to her, and Cathy, who is no dummy in the gay department, would invite him to the dinner.
The next night, the dinner was wonderful, but the young man wasn't there. After dinner I took Cathy aside and asked, 'Who is your assistant?'
'Tova.'
'No, not Tova, a really cute guy.'
'Tender.'
'Tender?'
'His real name is Tom, but I call him Tender.' At the time, Cathy was married to a man called Tom Snowden. She said she had to distinguish between her two Tom turkeys, so one was Tough (her husband) and the other (Ford) was Tender.
Like I said, there was never any moss growing on Cathy, and she immediately said, 'He's perfect for you. Come for lunch on Monday. I'll arrange the whole thing.'
Apparently, when she came in the next morning, Cathy yelled, 'Tender, get in here!' She told him, 'Richard Buckley, the fashion editor of Women's Wear Daily and editor of Scene, wants to go out with you. He's very important. We need him. You take my credit card and go anywhere he wants to go.'
On Monday, it was pouring rain, and I arrived at the Cathy Hardwick offices thinking we would be going out to a restaurant. No. We had tomato soup and bologna sandwiches in her office. Halfway through lunch, Tom got up and said he needed to get back to work. At this point I'm thinking, I'm 38 and he's 25. He's not into geezers. Three strikes, you're out.
I had been back in my office about 10 minutes when the phone rang.
'Hello.'
'This is Tom Ford from Cathy Hardwick. I was calling to see if I could ask you out for a drink or dinner some evening.'
I was totally thrown off guard, because I was starting to think he was a stuck-up little prick, so I said, 'Well, tonight and tomorrow night I have business dinners. Wednesday evening I leave for the country and Thanksgiving weekend. What about a week from Wednesday?' He said that was fine. Then we stayed on the phone for a few minutes and he actually started talking to me, and I thought, He's not stuck-up at all. Finally I said, 'Look, the dinner tomorrow night is tentative. If it is canceled, can I call you at the last minute?' He said, 'Sure.'
Well, that was an adrenaline-charged 24 hours for me, because I had no business dinners, no Thanksgiving in the country. Nothing. Nada. At 4:23 Tuesday afternoon I called him, said dinner had fallen through, and asked if he was still free.
For our first date, we went to this really sleazy cheapo restaurant on the Upper East Side called Albuquerque Eats -- I don't think it exists anymore. Tom sat there chit-chatting: 'And in 10 years I'm going to be showing my own collection in Paris, and I'm going to be a millionaire, and I'm going to do this, and I'm going to do that.' And I kept thinking, This guy is really na've. But as we talked about other things, it was almost like seeing down a rabbit hole. I felt like I was looking at his eyes, and it was just spinning around and taking me down inside him. I could see he was a good man with a big heart. It wasn't a physical thing as much as it was a psychic wave.
I'd been through a lot of relationships and was very suspicious of a lot of things, but with Tom I was careful not to repeat the mistakes I'd made with other guys. I'd been burned many times and had learned to keep people at arms' length. And on New Year's Eve 1986, we didn't go out. We stayed at my little apartment on Saint Mark's Place. I gave him a little Tiffany box, and inside was a key to my apartment. He moved in the next day.
Tom's the perfect modern gentleman. We're both old-fashioned that way. We both stand for ladies at the table and open doors for people. If you have good manners, people notice. And they appreciate it. You're showing respect for them. When I got throat cancer in '89, there were people who Tom cut out of our lives because of the way they responded. My best friend and one of my mentors had died -- one in '87 or '88 and one later that year -- both from AIDS, and there were a lot of people who just assumed that I had AIDS, and there were some people who wouldn't come visit me because they were sure they would catch it. And Tom just cut them out -- wouldn't even speak to them if he ran into them on the street.
I couldn't imagine being without Tom now. I couldn't imagine what I'd be like if something happened to him. There's only one Tom for me. He is still that man who I met 24 years ago, who has a good heart.
HD
