亲密

Close is intimacy; it's an emotion in life that cannot be easily defined. It's neither romantic love nor familial bonds, but a pure connection between people withoutany other impurities. Just like how we were inseparable, we played 'childish' chasing games, frolicked in the flower fields, rode bicycles together, and snuggled close during sleep... Although we didn't have any blood ties, we lived as if we shared one soul with the same frequency. I thought our relationship would remain this way until we grew up. However, upon entering school, the innocent questions from our classmates made me realize that what we considered a 'normal' relationship was deemed abnormal by others. The hurtful words made me want tochange the 'sissy' impression in others' minds. To appear more ' masculine,' I joined an ice-hockey team even though I wasn't good at it, played soccer with male classmates....All I did to keep my distance from you was to protect my fragile self-esteem. But how didI don’t know you didn't sense the underlying meaning in our classmates' words? It's just that, at the age of 13, we made different choices; I chose to hide and change myself, while you remained true to yourself.

Close means the end. It's me pushing you away again and again, and you also pushed me away with tears for the last time. In fragility, confusion, and helplessness, you chose to say goodbye forever. "We" became "I", which made me realize the importance of you for the first time. Before, I tried my best to avoid you. But now, you are everywhere in my life, the games we played, the flower fields we ran through, the path we cycled to school. But this time, when I look at you, all that remains is your silhouette in the air. I try to force a smile to act as if everything is normal evading the fact that I'd lost you forever, which hides beneath a facade of ice- hockey games. It's all so fragile because my eyes are filled with sadness behind the fake smiles. In every restless night, memories flood my mind. However, the once bright and happy memories have become shadows etched deep in my heart. I know it's all because of me.

Secretive peeks and countless attempts to convey the truth bear the weight of unspoken remorse and sadness. But eventually, sorrow overflows like a breached dam, which finally provided me with an outlet for release. I miss you, but I missed you, and you are no longer in this world. As I run through the flower field where we used to play, in the year when flowers bloom under the dazzling sunlight as before, will you turn back to look back at me when I gaze upon you?

Close是亲密，是生命中不被定义的情感，既非爱恋，又不是血缘，它只是人与人之间最纯粹不添加任何杂质的一种关系。就像我们的形影不离，我们一起玩着“幼稚”的被追逐的游戏，肆意的在花田里奔跑，骑自行车时的你追我赶，在睡觉时紧紧的挨在一起……。尽管我们并无血缘，却活成了灵魂共频的一个人，我以为我们的关系会一直是这样，直到我们长大。然而，进入学校后同学们的无心提问，却让敏感的我意识到我们眼中如此“正常”的关系是不正常的。刺耳的话语让我想改变别人的心中“娘炮”的形象，为了增加“男子气概”我加入并不擅长的冰球队，和男同学踢球打成一片。我努力的推开你，和你保持距离，我所做的一切无非是为了维护我那脆弱的自尊心。但是敏感的你怎么没察觉到同学的话里的另一层意思呢？只是13岁的我们做出了不同的选择，我选择了隐藏和改变自己，而你，始终忠于自己。

Close是结束。是我一次又一次推开你后，最后你也留着泪推开了我，在脆弱，失措，无力中选择了永别。而“我们”变成了“我”，我也第一次意识到这份感情的重量。之前，我竭尽全力的避开你，但是现在，生活中确处处都是你，我们一起玩的躲避游戏，一起奔跑过的花田，一起骑车走过的上学的小路。但这次望向你的时候，却只有在空中勾勒出你的轮廓了。我努力的挤出每一个微笑，表现的和往常一样。在冰球的虚势武装下逃避永远失去你的事实，但是这一切是那么的不堪一击。在虚假的伪装的笑容下，眼里尽是悲伤。每一个辗转难眠的夜里，回忆涌上心头，然而那些绚烂快乐回忆却成为刻在心底的阴影，我知道，所有的一切是因为我。

隐秘的窥探，无数次的试探，背负起不知如何开口的悔恨与悲伤，然而悲伤终将如决堤洪水般吞噬，也让我终于有了宣泄的出口。我想你，但是我错过了你，而世上已无你。来年花开，我跑在我们奔跑的花田，阳光亦如之前那般耀眼。当我望向你的时候，你会看向我吗？